Getting Logan Back
by tigereyes320
Summary: Post episode 3x09 Veronica uses the time during Christmas break to think about what Logan said and get some advice from her BFF and her Dad.


Title: Getting Logan Back

Author: tigereyes320  
for vmsanta written for jennafied  
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica, Keith, Wallace  
Word Count: 5044  
Rating: PG-13-R for language and sexual situations. (Nothing too smutty I promise)  
Summary: Post episode 3x09 Veronica uses the time during Christmas break to think about what Logan said and get some advice from her BFF and her Dad.

Author's note: Want to thank my great beta phoenixrae. I own nothing of Veronica Mars. Some of the stuff that Veronica looks into and thinks about comes from wwwcopingorggrowthtrusthtm

Keith walked into the apartment carrying some groceries. He saw that Veronica was still on the sofa with a far off look on her face.

"Veronica?"

"Yeah Dad?"

"Want to help me put the groceries away? I got you some Ben & Jerry's. Do you want to talk about what happened with you and Logan?"

Veronica got up off the couch to help put things away, "Not really."

"I thought you guys were okay this time around. Does it have anything to do with the argument I overheard last week?" Keith said as he handed hr the ice cream.

Veronica opened the freezer and placed the ice cream inside. "Dad…Yeah it has everything to do with it."

"I could make you some hot chocolate, and do my best to convince you that boys have cooties and you should want nothing to do with them." Keith said as he put the remaining things away.

"Wouldn't do any good; besides it's not even Logan's fault we broke up. It's mine." Veronica said as she poured herself some water.

Keith came to stand beside her, "What happened?"

"You want the whole sordid story?"

"Yeah I do." Keith said as he put his arm around her. He hated seeing Veronica like this, and since he knew Logan was crazy about his little girl, it had to be pretty bad. He let go of her to heat up the water for the hot chocolate.

"One of the things that played into the problem of finding out who the rapist was, is the fact that two girls faked their rape. Because of this, Mercer had an alibi in Logan for one of the dates. Since the MO was the same for all the crimes, it seemed that it was the same person committing the crimes, if you had an alibi for one you couldn't have done the rest. I think that's when we began to unravel."

Keith set the hot chocolate in front of Veronica and sat down beside her with his own cup. "What was the alibi?"

"You won't get Logan in trouble for it?"

"Tell me what happened, and we'll go from there."

"They were in TJ and they had gotten wasted, Logan was asleep in his hotel room. It was adjoined to Mercers' with the door open. Apparently Mercer was lighting drinks for his female friends and he accidentally set the room on fire. He and Logan left as the hotel went up in flames. They didn't stick around to see what happened. Logan thought he was protecting a friend, he didn't know that Nancy's rape was fake."

"You were upset that he left without seeing what the damage was." Keith could see where this was headed.

"Yeah, that's why I wasn't staying with Logan when I was mad at you. He wouldn't tell me what the alibi was. He said he didn't want to see the look on my face."

"Did you avoid him when you found out what it was?"

"Yes."

Keith took a deep breath and decided he would do Veronica a greater disservice by not being up front with her. "Veronica, I'm not saying what he did was right, but I can see why he might not want to tell you. Sweetheart, you put people on these pedestals and you want them to measure up to what you see their potential could be, and when they fall off those pedestals you like to punish them. Logan was probably afraid of what you would do if you knew. What happened next?"

"I got dosed, and he rescued me, he recognized my car when the alarm went off and came and got me before the Moe could do any thing more to me."

"Anymore than what?" Keith asked realizing Veronica had hidden something, again, from him.

Veronica turned her head and parted her hair so her father could see the patch of skin where her hair had been shaved.

Keith took a deep breath to grab ahold of his temper. He owed Logan big for this. "That is why Logan wanted you to leave this alone, and why he was shouting at you that night. It's why he said I should be yelling at you. He had a point."

"He threatened to go to you, to tell you everything, I told him not to. I later found out, he hired a bodyguard and we got into another fight. He told me that I was right that he didn't have the right to do that, but he didn't care if it was fair or right or even if I was mad. His priority was for me to be safe. I told him I wasn't going to change who I was. Logan said I knew he was, but I always expect him to change for me."

"Logan just wanted to keep you safe."

"Yeah."

"So what happened then?"

"He asked me if I loved him, I told him the truth, that I do love him. But then I lied."

"About what?"

"He asked me if we were okay, I told him we were but truthfully, I still needed time to absorb all of it. When he broke up with me he said he didn't think he measured up to the person I wanted him to be, and that he couldn't stand feeling like a disappointment. Then he said that I said I'm not built to let people in and he isn't built to stand on the sidelines."

Keith put his arm around Veronica and hugged her close. She buried her face in his chest like she used to when she was a little girl. He kissed the top of her head. He was about to say something when his cell phone rang.

"You better get that."

"Honey."

"Dad, I'm still kind of wiped out, I think I'm just going to take a nap. I still have to go get my stuff from Logan's later. I'll need my strength for that." Veronica got up, kissed her father on the cheek, turned, and went to her bedroom.

Keith grabbed the phone, "This is Keith Mars. Hi Cliff what can I help you with? He's where? He did what? Lamb put him where? Is he okay? Yeah I'll be right there." Keith grabbed his jacket and let himself out the door. He'd tell Veronica about what happened when he got back.

Meanwhile Veronica lay on her bed holding her cell phone. Before she could second guess herself she quickly dialed Logan's number. It went almost immediately to voice mail.

"You've reached Logan. Here's today's inspirational message. 'You know you're in love when the hardest thing to say is goodbye – Anonymous.' Leave a message."

"Logan it's Veronica. I just wanted to say thank you for your help last night. I wanted to let you know I'm okay, a few bruises, but I am okay. I wanted to know when…uhm… a good time would be for me to drop off your keys and stuff. I think I have a couple of your hoodies. I have a few things of mine over at your place too. Just give me a call when it's convenient for you. Thanks again for everything. I'll talk to you later." Veronica disconnected the call and turned off the phone.

If Logan could give her a few hours her mask would be perfectly in place by the time she had to go over and return his stuff to him. Until then if she wanted to pretend she was snuggled next to him on his sectional watching a movie, well that was no one's business but hers.

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Logan let himself into the suite, he wouldn't go to the doctor despite what Cliff and Mr. Mars said. He'd been assured that while Veronica was a little bruised and groggy, she was otherwise unharmed.

He took out his cell phone and turned it on so he could listen to his messages. He listened to Veronica's, she didn't sound fine. His bobcat still didn't get that she wasn't invincible.

She was right though, the sooner they returned each others stuff the sooner they could begin to move on. So what if it felt like it would take a decade to feel better. Time to take out those acting genes.

Logan dialed her number, her voice mail picked up. "Hey Veronica, I just got back in. Anytime today is fine. If it isn't good for you, let me know. I'm going to crash for a few hours. Feel free to let yourself in. I'm glad you're okay. I'll see you later." He tossed the phone down and headed into his bedroom. All he wanted to do was sleep; Logan wished he could put his arms around Veronica and hold her close, but that was no longer an option.

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Several hours later

Veronica let herself into Logan's suite with her key. She couldn't hear him so maybe he was asleep. She quickly emptied her messenger bag of the hoodies, and t-shirts she had claimed of his. On top of them she placed the set of keys to his Range Rover, and she put his room key on top of them.

Veronica then tiptoed into his bedroom and saw him in bed fast asleep. She wanted nothing more than to climb in there with him, but that wouldn't be very smart. She went into the bedroom and got the toiletries she left there and put them in her messenger bag. Going to the dresser Veronica opened the drawer that Logan had given her and took out the clothes she had brought over.

"You were planning on saying goodbye, right?"

Veronica jumped and turned around. "You startled me. I thought you were asleep."

"I was; but hanging around you has obviously enhanced my hearing ability." Logan said as he got out of bed and came to stand beside her. He traced a finger lightly along her eyebrow. "You're okay? He didn't hurt you?"

"Not like that. He just-Logan what happened to your hands?" Veronica said as she saw the scraped knuckles of his hands.

"Got into a little scuffle."

"How little?"

"Did you know if you hit a Neptune Sheriff's Department car with a bat they arrest you?" Logan said with a small smirk.

Veronica realized what he had done. "I've heard that rumor."

"They placed me in the same holding cell with Mercer and Moe, they provoked me and I had to defend myself." Lamb had no problem with it as long as I didn't kill his suspects.

Veronica looked up at him, and she knew he had held back from what he really wanted to do to Moe and Mercer. "Logan."

"Look Veronica, I know you're disappointed in me again, but could I not get the lecture this time."

Veronica nodded and left his bedroom. Logan followed her, after closing her now empty drawer. He brought her messenger bag out into the living room area.

"Yes I need antiseptic, gauze, tape and crushed ice brought up to the Presidential Suite, immediately. Thank you." Veronica hung up the phone in the suite.

"You didn't have to do that, Veronica."

"Neither did you. Besides I doubt you went to the hospital, anmd you don't want get an infection." Veronica said as she nodded at his hands.

Logan looked at the pile of clothes she had left on the table, and then raised his eyes to meet hers.

"I told you I borrowed a few hoodies. I put the set of car keys you gave me in the pocket of the top hoodie. I also put the room key you gave me in the pocket with them."

"Veronica."

"Logan it's never a good idea for an ex to have your room key. I read that somewhere. It encourges stalking." Veronica was interrupted before she could say anything else.

Logan went and opened the door and Tina rolled in a cart, which had the supplies that Veronica had requested.

"Thanks Tina."

"You don't have to sign for something like this. Hi Veronica."

"Hi Tina, thanks for the supplies." Veronica said as she walked toward the cart.

"I'll see myself out." Tina said as she left the suite.

Veronica took everything except the ice off the cart. That she dumped into the two plastic bags they had provided. "Logan come sit down so I can fix your hands."

Logan came over and sat down beside her. Veronica took one of his hands in hers, efficiently began cleaning the cuts and scrapes on his one hand, after wrapping them lightly with some gauze, she then worked on the other hand.

"Logan I want you to know I heard what you said about us, and you're right about everything except one thing. You don't disappoint me, not really. When I look at you all I see is someone who has so much potential. The potential to be anything you wanted to be, when you don't do anything with it feels like you just want to waste everything you have. That you could be satisfied with living off your family money, instead of making your own mark in the world. That is what disappoints me, that you don't see what I see in you. I'm so sorry that I hurt you, you never deserved that."

"Thanks for that."

Veronica said what she wanted to before her common sense could talk her out of it. "What would it take for you to be willing to try us again?"

Logan knew what she was really asking, but knew if they were to ever make their way back to each other he had to be brutally honest with her. "Veronica, you'd need to trust and respect me and the decisions I might make. Even if you don't agree with them. You need to understand that I'm always going to worry about you, and want you to be safe. I know you like to investigate and bring the bad guy in. Figuring out the elusive puzzle. I know that's who you are. That's one of the things I love most about you. Bringing the bad guy in doesn't mean shit to me if I lose you, you just can't be a one woman show all of the time Mars."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"I know that."

"I guess I have to hope by the time I can, you won't have found someone less complicated to be with."

"Veronica, this break-up has to be final, not one of those I-think-we-were-on-a-break-things. It wouldn't be fair to either of us otherwise. I'm still you're friend and if you need me for a favor or as a friend I will be here for you. But, being there as your boyfriend is going to have to wait until you can show me that I am what you need."

"I guess there isn't anything more to say is there?"

"I don't think so."

Veronica stood up and grabbed her bag. "Try to keep your hands clean and dry for a few days. If they start to ache put the ice bags on top of them. Don't be afraid to take some ibuprofen for the pain."

"Take care Veronica."

"You too." Veronica gave him a small smile as she turned and walked out of the suite.

Veronica made it to the hallway before she had to slide down and sit near the wall. The thought that this might be the end of them hurt more than she ever thought it could. Shehad to wait until she got herself together, then Veronica forced herself to get to her feet and get in the elevator so she could go home.

Right now she really needed some Ben and Jerry's. Later she would work on what Logan asked of her.

888888 3 weeks later 888888

Wallace was outside the Mars apartment. He and V had plans for some dessert for dinner and some SouthPark, but she wasn't answering the door. Since he had just signed for a package for Veronica, Wallace decide to let himself into the apartment with the hidden key to see what was up.

Wallace walked into Veronica's room and saw her sitting at her desk reviewing something on her computer.

"You didn't answer the door so, I signed for this package for you and let myself in. Veronica? Are you in there somewhere? C'mon V finals are over and we should celebrate."

"I'm not really in the mood BFF. How'd your engineering final go?"

"I got a C+. Not what I wanted, but it's a start. The teacher said he'd be willing to create some study guides to help me get the formulas down. So straight A's for you?"

"Pretty much. I need your advice as a guy and as a friend."

"I'm your man V."Wallace said as he sat down on her bed.

"That package is Logan's Christmas present. I can still give it to him as a friend right?"

"Depends what it is. If it's anything having to do with your sex life, I don't want to know about it."

"No it isn't that kind of gift. All of Logan's pictures of his mother, and him and his mother together were destroyed when his house was burned down. I tracked down all the photographers and got them to send me reprints of the pictures."

"That must have taken you weeks to do."

"You have to think ahead when you're dating the guy that either has everything or can get everything. I guess were dating would be the correct terminology."

"I think he'd really like that gift.I know he really cared about his Mom."

"I can't see him; it hurts a little too much. Would you be willing to drop it off for me after I get it ready?"

"Of course I will, V I know you don't like talking about your problems. Have you thought that maybe if you talked to someone, you might be able to work on the issues that are coming between you and Logan?"

"Wallace it won't change what happened to me."

"No it won't, but maybe talking about it honestly, to someone who believes that what you said happened to you, actually happened. It might do a lot to restore your faith in humans in general."

"I have been looking at this one website on trusting the person you're with. It was describing what trust really is. It has some of the ways you're affected when you can't trust others. It also has some really good self exercises I could do."

"What are some of the things it says?"

"That trust is 1.Letting others know your feelings, emotions and reactions, and having the confidence in them to respect you and to not take advantage of you. 2. Sharing your inner feelings and thoughts with others with the belief that they will not spread them indiscriminately. 3. Placing confidence in others so that they will be supportive and reinforcing of you, even if you let down your "strong'' mask and show your weaknesses. 4. Assuming that others will not intentionally hurt or abuse you if you should make an error or a mistake. 5.The inner sense of acceptance you have of others with whom you are able to share secrets, knowing they are safe. 6. The sense that things are fine; that nothing can disrupt the bond between you and the other. 7. The ability to let others into your life so that you and they can create a relationship built on an understanding of mutual respect, caring, and concern to assist one another in growing and maturing independently. 8. The glue or cement of relationships that allows you to need others to fulfill yourself. 9. Opening yourself up to let others in on your background, problems, concerns, and mistakes with the assurance that they will not ostracize you because of these things. 10. The act of placing yourself in the vulnerable position of relying on others to treat you in a fair, open, and honest way." Veronica said as she read the list to him from her computer screen.

"Do you see yourself in that list? Because I do." Wallace was surprise with that list how clearly he saw Veronica.

Veronica stared at the list, and then looked at Wallace. "You know I latched on to the belief that it was because of Lilly dying and the rape, that I became like this, but it isn't true. It started before Lilly died."

"Veronica you need to actually say it, and hold that person accountable." Wallace knew who began this snowball, but Veronica was the one who needed to actually say it. Of course she had to also believe it.

"It started with Duncan. When he just started ignoring me, I was out of the loop, all of a sudden I didn't exist even though I did nothing wrong. I started doubting everything about myself and the people who I thought were my friends."

"Then everything snowballed for you."

"Yeah it did. Lilly died, then I lost my supposed friends, and when I was raped...everyone acted like it was my fault."

"After that your Mom disappeared. All of your safety nets were disappearing. I think one of the things that was hardest for you, was how could you say you hadn't done anything wrong the night of the rape when you couldn't remember what exactly happened to you. Do you blame Logan for any of it?"

"He shares in some of my issues but the biggest ones, they weren't his fault. When he gave GHB to Duncan, he had no idea Duncan was on medication. He was stupid but he wasn't malicious."

"Veronica who really was malicious to you that night? Think about all of it. Place the blame where it needs to be, and then you can confront Madison and Dick about their part in it. Confront Lamb about everything, including the fact that had he investigated your rape, the bus crash wouldn't have happened. Meg wouldn't be dead. Be mad at the people who kept feeding you shots. Do you remember the last thing you read to me on that list? You trully expected Lamb, regardless of his feelings for your family, to do the right thing and accept your version of what happened and investigate. He didn't, instead he laughed at you when you were at your most vulnerable, and you became the slut of Neptune High, all of it undeserved."

"Logan did have fun at my expense then."

"Yes he did, and I believe out of all the parties involved, Logan is the only one who ever apologized for his part in everything that happened to you. I know Lamb, Madison, and Dick didn't. Did Duncan? Did he ever apologize for his part in your life going to hell?"

"No, I never asked him too. He wanted the old Veronica back, and the old Veronica would never have called Duncan on the carpet for anything. Duncan just wanted everything to be on a nice even keel, no bumps in his road. He never even told his parents he was dating me again."

"Then Veronica why is he the person you're comparing Logan to, and finding Logan wanting."

Veronica looked at Wallace and realized with sudden absolute clarity that everything he said was correct. She turned back to her computer and with a few keystrokes printed out the page she was looking at. "Can you take Backup for a walk? I need to run an errand and I don't know how late I'll be."

Veronica picked up her bag and the package that had arrived.

"What are you going to tell him?"

"I have no idea. You know, you might think I saved your ass when I cut you off that pole, but I really think you saved mine."

"Go get your guy, and please leave any and all details of the making up out of all future conversations."

"You got it. I owe you one." Veronica said as she ran out of her bedroom and out the door. She was in her car when she realized that Logan might have company. She got out her phone and dialed his number.

"Hey Veronica."

"Hey Logan. Listen, is there any way that I could come by for a few minutes. I really need to talk to you."

"Veronica I thought we agreed-"

Veronica interrupted, "I know, but I've had an epiphany of sorts and I need to talk to you first. If it's a bad time because you have company, I could come by later."

"I'm alone. All right you can come by."

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

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Veronica stood in front of Logan's suite, working up the nerve to knock. When she raised her hand, the door swung open.

Logan stood there all long and rangy in jeans and a long sleeved dark green t-shirt. "Are you coming in?"

Veronica nodded as she walked past him into the suite. She turned and faced him.

Logan walked past her to the sofa and sat down on it. "So what can I do for you Veronica?"

Veronica walked to the sofa and sat down. She handed him the package. "First of all, Merry Christmas. I'm sorry I didn't wrap it."

'Do I have to wait or can I open it now?"

"Open it now of course."

Logan grinned as he tore into the package. He dumped the contents on the ottoman. Dozens of pictures of his mother smiled back up at him. There were also pictures of the two of them, starting from when he was an infant.

Veronica smiled at the softness in his eyes as he traced his mothers face with his long fingers. "I did a little research. I found out the names of the photographers your family used over the years. With some help from Cliff I got reprints of all the pictures of your mother and all the ones I could find of just the two of you together. Do you like them?"

"Veronica, this is the best gift I've ever been given. Thank you." Logan said as he turned and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"There is something else I want to say, actually ask. I really need you to let me say this because I don't say it very often. You were right about me, when it comes to letting people in. Wallace came by and he helped me see what I was doing to you, to us. I'm so sorry Logan, I've been blaming you for a lot of what happened to me and you didn't start it. In fact you're the only one who has ever apologized for how you treated me after Lilly died. Did you mean what you said when you said you'd be there for me if I needed anything?"

"Of course I meant it."

"Okay, because what I need from you, is you. I need you Logan. I want you to be the one next to me, no matter what it is I'm doing. I know you might not want to give me another chance, and I understand, but I wanted you to know I would do more than just try to trust you. Wallace told me he thinks I should talk to someone about the rape and how it made me feel. He thinks if I talk to someone who believes me, it would really help me to start letting people in. Parker asked me a few weeks ago if I would go to rape survivors meeting with her. I told her no, but after break I'm going to go with her. I guess I just want to know that if I do this for me, that there's a chance you'd take me back. I want to let you in Logan, because I love you, I want to trust in you and in us. I want you back. Do you still want me?"

Logan looked at this girl, this woman, who was laying her heart out for him, and trusting him that he wouldn't crush it. "I'd have to be dead twenty years before I could stop wanting you."

"That's not an answer."

"The fact that you're willing to tell me all of this, and that you're thinking of talking to someone, tells me you're really serious about this. Veronica you have to do this for you."

"I know, but I wanted to know if I can learn to let you in do we still have a chance?"

Logan caressed her face with his hand, and looked into her blue eyes, and wondered if he was setting himself up for another fall. "Yes we have a chance."

Veronica impulsively wrapped her arms around Logan's neck and kissed him soundly.

For several minutes they just let the joy of being close to each other wash over them.

When they broke apart Veronica lay on top of Logan on the couch. She snuggled into his arms. "So are what are we?"

Logan rubbed his hand up and down her back and kissed the top of her head. "I don't want any confusion between us Veronica. Either we have to be together or we have to be apart. Otherwise it'll be that much harder for to let me in if you think I'm seeing other women. Honestly it would be hard for me if you were seeing someone else too. Dammit!"

"What?"

"I have to call Dick we were supposed to go into LA and hit the party circuit this weekend. I need to tell him my plans have changed."

"When do you have to call him?"

"Within a few hours."

"So… we could do something else until then, unless you don't want to."

"Sex isn't going to solve us?"

"I know, but I want you to know I'm in this all the way. That includes making love with you. I'll call my dad and let him know where I'm at. As long as he knows I'm safe, he'll be fine, he won't like it but he'll be fine."

"What can I say you've twisted my arm?" Logan said as he picked her up off the couch and carried her into his bedroom.


End file.
